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1) Lucy says she had wanted to be special before she got sick and asks if she is somehow responsible for her illness.   Do you think that we get what we wish for?

2) Why is there such shame in crying? Why do you think that Lucy’s crying upset her mother so? 

3) Our society places much more emphasis on physical appearance than we would like to admit even to ourselves. Even as early as the age of 10 when Lucy was undergoing chemotherapy, she recognized this.  How early in their development do you think children, particularly girls, recognize this societal emphasis on looks? Do you think we as women, ever get away from this, even as we mature and develop status and self-awareness through other means?

4) Lucy spoke alot about “secondary gain” although not in those terms. “Secondary gains” are those benefits which she derived from being ill.  Can you name some of the things she gained as a result of her illness?  What did she lose?

5) I found it interesting that on the children’s ward of the hospital that the children had created their own hierarchy of status and importance, just as in any organization. They also knew not to make fun of the most critically ill children. This appeared to be innate from what Lucy wrote, and not something that the elders had to point out to the children. At what age do children learn to categorize and create status among themselves?  What is your earliest memory of this type of categorization? Do you remember who taught it to you and how? 

6) Lucy talked about how she preferred doing her chemotherapy treatments in the hospital, rather than being transported from home to the hospital on Fridays for the treatments as an outpatient. As an inpatient, she was allowed to cry, did not have to deal with the tensions at home, and she was looked after. It is very difficult to look after oneself when you are very ill.  Have you ever had the experience of not being able to take care of yourself?  Did it have an effect on your perception of yourself?  Of  your caretakers or others?  

7)  Lucy writes about being impatient with people because they seem to be waiting for their lives to begin without appreciating what they have here and now.  Is there something you are waiting for to move forward?  What has been your experience with this type of hope and expectation?  

8) Lucy makes a comment about seeing ahead into the future, and seeing her father coming home from work, seeing herself and her sister fully grown, her father shouting as he comes through the doorway, and there being no one there to greet him. As a result of this foresight, she forces herself to get up nightly and greet him at the door. At another place in the book she notes that the taunts by the bullies at school had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with their needing to look brave and cocky before their friends.  How do you think people develop insight and the ability to empathize with others?  

9)  How did you feel when you finished reading this book?  Did it help you to understand anything?  Did it make some things more cloudy?    If there was one thing that you would take away from reading it, what would that be?  

1)    So much of the book regarding the lives of women seemed to be so relevant today with regard to so much of the world:
-women not allowed to attend church or sitting in a separate section
-repression of the media by the state for it’s own purposes
-repression of art because it conflicts with what organized religion wants to portray or is in conflict with the goals of the state
-repression of gays and their forced hiding of their sexuality in order to stay alive and/or maintain employment/housing, etc.
-no property rights for women
-women speaking through their husbands as to politics and all marital decisions
-women having no inheritance rights; property passing through the men
-a widow being financially destitute unless a family member takes her in or she weds again
-the status of a woman being dependent on a male heir
-the corruption, power, wealth, and political influence of the Catholic church in Rome
-Gays go to hell according the organized religion; can’t take part in religion; can’t take part in politics or the military

2)    “The Painter” as the main character refers to him, met with another painter/instructor and others in the basement/morgue of the hospital to autopsy, dissect, and draw the bodies of the dead. Do you think the instructor was Leonardo Da Vinci? The book does not say, but he did this during this time period in Florence and then fled Florence during the period of the mini Jerusalem.

3)    Can you be happy in a loveless marriage?

4)    Why do you think Alessandra’s brother Tomaso had such hatred for her?

5)    Alessandra’s other brother Luca became active in the “Angels of God” led by the priest Savanorola. Charismatic leaders (example: Hitler, Charles Manson) have found willing followers throughout the ages. Why do you think that is?

1)    At the end of the book, T.O. (Emily’s son), is 30 years old. He could pass for white like his brother. Do you think T.O. made the best decision for himself, which includes his career, in marrying Eva?  Do you think T.O. made the better decision for his children?
Do you think those before T.O. consciously moved the family in a white direction, or that it just happened due to slave owner rape and love with white men?

2)    Elizabeth expresses the popular idea that  the Lord doesn’t give us more than we can carry. . .Do you think this statement is true or not true? Have you ever had someone say this to you during a hard time? How did it make you feel?  If it is true, then why do people commit suicide?

3)    What was your response to the plantation owner’s argument at Rosedew that they (the owner’s of the slaves) are fulfilling “God’s design:” According to them: “they elevated the blacks when they brought them out of Africa; they care for the young and elderly; they feed and house them; they care for their needs when they are too ill to work; and in doing so, the plantation owner’s burden is heavy.”

4)    Have you ever had, or do you have, a personal calling that’s as strong as Tademy’s was to drive her to quit a high powered, high paying job to write a book? If so, what is, or was, your calling?

5)    What did you think of Philomene’s glimpsings into the future? Do you believe there are people who have this gift of sight? Have you ever experienced anything like this?

6)    Was Tademy’s writing effective in making you feel the hurt and pain of the people in the book? Can you give examples?

7)  After her great-grandmother Elizabeth dies, Emily says to her half-sister Bet, “I wish I had thought to ask her about herself when she was alive, that I had been ready to listen, the way you did.”  Why do you think we often don’t appreciate our elders and the wealth of information and knowledge that they hold until after they are gone?

8)    Before her death, Elizabeth is interviewed in 1880 by the Census Bureau man. She reflects afterwards about how important the accomplishments of reading, writing, landholding, marriage, and having a last name, were. All of these things couldn’t be had as slaves.
Are we, as a society, losing ground with so many inner city children and teenagers unable to read and write for their age level? And, with so many teenagers having babies out of wedlock and raising them as single parents?  What ran through this book was the importance of family, hard work, and learning. Are we, as a society, losing our priorities?

9)    Philomene says to her daughter, Emily at one point, “I am the rock in your garden, Emily, and you are the bloom in mine. Count on me.” Who is the rock in your life?  Who is the bloom?  Are you rock or bloom for someone else?

10)    After the murder of Emily’s husband is reported in the papers as a suicide, Emily notes, “There’s no talking back to the page. People can present truth however they like.”  Do you trust the information you get from your newspaper, radio, television and internet?  What effect do you think the increasing monopolization of media has on news accuracy and lack of bias? How do you make decisions (such as voting) which require you to be well informed? 



1)    The father appears to be a very bright man intellectually to have become the successful businessman he was, become a millionaire, and to survive two very harsh prison sentences that included torture. However, he made the exact same mistake a second time!  Seeing the same kind of evidence of trouble, he did not leave Shanghai the second time there was trouble.  .Why would he make the same mistake twice when the consequences had been so very high the first time?  What degree, or level of responsibility, do you think a home country should have toward its’ citizens who are abroad in communist or unstable countries, and are not diplomatic employees, and who have ignored the home countries warnings to leave?

2)    Anna says that she “wept for (her) father, for his life, and for his loss.” This was after she had finished reading his journals and had finished summarizing in her mind all of his losses.  Do you think she also wept because when her father came to her mother’s funeral, and knelt by the coffin and said his goodbyes, Anna avoided him and tried to keep him from making contact with her?  Do you think that the tears reflected much regret on her part for her failure to approach him and initiate contact?

3)    By writing to Anna in the ledgers, instead of telling her about what occurred during his life, particularly his imprisonment, the father cheated Anna and her grandmother out of a two-way conversation and a chance at apologies and forgiveness on both sides while he was alive.  Do you feel this was fair on his part to do? 

4)    The book doesn’t say whether Anna shared the journals with her grandmother, but her grandmother was still alive when she found the journals.  Would you advise Anna to share the journals with her grandmother? Do you think showing the grandmother his journals (the ledgers) would change her opinion about the father?

5)    Have you ever felt the presence of a dead person near you?

6)    The father  mentions a woman in a bar that he sees on arriving in Shanghai who adapts a new persona nightly and he uses this to describe the appeal that Shanghai has for him.
Do you think the author also uses this description as an introduction to all changes that occur to Shanghai in the book?  If so can you give examples of the different persona?  Does it also describe the contradiction in Shanghai between the lives of the different economic levels? Do you think that this woman could have been the one that the father ended up having his affair with?

7)    In 2005, more journalists were killed world wide than in any previous year. The number of journalists killed in Iraq, was the highest recorded in history.  What role does the journalist have in our ability to perceive and oppose repressive regimes?  Why do you think life has become so dangerous for journalists?  Is it possible to protect journalists? What are your ideas?

8)    How do you as a parent, and we as a society, explain political turmoil to our children? Especially in situations that are racially motivated, such as, lynchings, or the Holocaust, or the genocide in Rwanda? What about when you, or your children, are the subjects of such hatred?

9)    The father put his guns into the pond in the backyard during the middle of the night once weapons had been banned. Later the guns, clean and rust free are brought as evidence  when he is charged with illegal possession of weapons.   In some regimes people learn to distrust even the people closest to them. In the case of China, even thouh the political regime is not the same today, the people of China are still suffering from the past political regimes, in that many have retained great psychological damage.   Is there a remedy for this as a culture, within the family, and individually?

10)    The one thing that I did not understand is how the photographs that Anna stumbled upon in the folder in her father’s wardrobe fit into everything. (When she was searching for her birthday gift).  What is your explanation of the photos?  Do you think his wife knew about them?

11)    The father says in his letter to Anna, that his late wife was the “light and map and destination for me.”  What did he mean by that?  Are there examples of this in the book?

1)    At the beginning of the book, Jeannette tells about an incident where she is embarrassed by her mother.  Does the image of the mother going through the dumpster hold any power for you? Where does embarrassment come from?  Why is it that parents can sometimes embarrass us more thoroughly than anyone else?  How are judgment and embarrassment linked?  What does our Christian tradition say about these things?  How do you feel about Jeannette’s mother’s assertion that she can “Just tell the truth” about her parents. 

2)    Jeannette tells her mother that she wants to move a sapling closer to their house and that she promises to take care of it. She says that she will move it to a place where it will be out of the wind, she will water it, and then it will grow tall and straight.
Jeannette’s mother replies that she would be destroying what is special about the tree.  She asserts that the beauty of the tree comes from it's struggle.  
Does struggle give us our beauty?  Is there a difference between struggle that is unavoidable and struggle that comes about needlessly?  When is it appropriate to allow a child to suffer the consequences of a mistake and when is it abusive?

3)    It was interesting to see how many ways the parents taught the children to duck responsibility and yet, look how responsible the children turned out to be.  How do you think this happened?  What is the role of a community in shaping children?  

4)    Jeannette liked to read books like “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” and “The Grapes of Wrath” about others that were down on their luck and faced hardships too because these books made her feel better.  When you are having trouble, do you find there is some comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone? 

5) Do you think the mother could have been bipolar/manic depressive?  If so give some examples of behavior that would point to that. 

6)   Why do you think that the parents moved away from Phoenix?  If there was a tendency to always ruin a good thing, where do you think it came from? 

7)   Can you imagine being a child who does not trust your parent will return for you?  Can you imagine, instead of being a child that your parents “chose to have” being a child that “is in the way?”  How does the story of the children sleeping in boxes and drawers express this situation?

8)    How does the statement  of the mother that  she’s “tired of taking care of other people, now it’s time to take care of me” resonate with you?   She says this twice in the book. 

9)    Brian points out that the mother and father do not have to be homeless on the streets of New York City.  Brian tells Jeannette that they have options, but choose to be homeless.
The mother at one point says to Jeannette, it’s “sort of the cities fault. They make it too easy to be homeless. If it was really unbearable, we’d do something different.” Do you think that there are very many homeless who have other options? Under what conditions would you choose homelessness? 

10) Can you relate to any of the decisions and actions taken by the parents in this book?  If so, which ones?  If not, do you think they are believable characters? 




1) A point that the book made, is that Immaculee was able to get on with her life -to marry, have children, enjoy her work - because she forgave those who had hurt her and killed her family and friends. The book tells of a woman in Immaculee’s village who contacted her 11 years after the genocide because she had not been able to move forward because of her anger, and she had come to realize that she needed to forgive as Immaculee had done.
Do you agree that the failure to forgive hurts you much more than the person(s) that you’re angry with?
In what ways does your held onto anger hurt you?

2) What are the steps Immaculee took in her road to forgiveness?

3)    Do you think if you were caught in a genocide or Holocaust situation, if you would be able to hide others, knowing that you would be killed if found out?
-Would any of the following affect your answer to the above question?
-Whether you had faith in God?
-Believed in Heaven and the Afterlife?
-How strong your faith was?
-How old you were at the time of the atrocity?
-Whether you had previously faced death?
-Whether you had a life-threatening illness previously, like cancer?
-Whether you expected to be killed quickly, or expected to be raped and/or tortured? (like in Rwanda)

4) Why do some people risk their lives for others, and other, seemingly good people, get caught up in the flow of the movement and commit atrocious acts? What’s the difference?

5) In the book, Immaculee tells of some Hutu’s who would hide Tutsi’s that they knew in their homes so that their friends could survive; and yet, go out during the day joining gangs of murdering Hutu bands killing other Tutsi’s they knew. One of her friends asked her, “How is it possible for someone to do such good and evil at the same time?”

6) Immaculee tells of how the educational system promoted hatred toward the Tutsi’s with role calls where the children had to state their tribal identity, remarks by teachers calling Tutsi’s “snakes” and “cockroaches”, etc. She demonstrates in the book how one of the children of the pastor who saved her and 6 other women, hated all Tutsi’s based on what he had learned at school.  Should we have programs on “Teaching Tolerance” as part of the curriculae for teachers? Should there be special training for teachers on identifying discriminatory statements and behavior in the classroom and schoolyard?   Should there be school programs directed toward teaching tolerance in children?

7) Immaculee was concerned about the cycle of bloodshed being repeated. First, a backlash by the remaining Tutsi’s against the Hutus for what they had done during the Genocide against their families, friends, and homes. second, by the French Peacekeeping Soldiers, because of their anger towards the Hutus, when they saw what they had done.  Once violence has occurred on a grand scale, how do you keep retaliating violence from occurring?

8) Do you believe that with God’s love, anything is possible?

9) A point that the book makes is the importance of telling those we love how much we love them and how proud we are of them. Immaculee laments how she wished that she’d known at the Easter dinner with her family that she’d never see them again, as she would have said things to them that she had not.  Why do so many people find it so difficult to express positive emotions when we don’t find it hard to express anger, disappointment, or frustration?

10)  Immaculee said that her “soul mate” was her brother Damascene. Do you have a “soul mate”?

1)    Albert Simpson, the truck driver that comes into Caroline’s life, is a good, decent man. Yet it takes Caroline a long time to accept his marriage proposals.   Why do you think that so many men and women look for mates based on superficial factors, rather than based on inner qualities of basic goodness?

2)    How do you think that Phoebe would have turned out if her natural mother, Norah, had raised her? 
How do you think that Norah would have reacted to Phoebe if she had been presented to her at the time of her birth? Do you think she would have put her in an institution? Would it have made a difference if she saw the institution?

3)    How would growing up with Phoebe have changed the son?

4)    What do you think would have happened (to the family/to Phoebe/to Caroline) if David had confessed everything at some point? (Leaving out prosecution and licensure problems).
Would it have made a difference when he confessed to everything?

5)    Do you think Kim Edwards, the author, took the easy way out by killing David off before he was found out?  Or, should the lie have been discovered by Norah while David was still alive and accountable?

6)    Do you think there are many homemakers, like Norah, who hide away problems with post partum depression, alcohol, or drugs, from the general public? How pervasive do you think these problems are?

7)    On page 247, Caroline Gill says, “. . . as some sort of vessel to be filled up with love. But it wasn’t like that. The love was in her all the time, and it’s only renewal came from giving it away.”  Don’t you find that the more you give, the more you receive in life?

8)    My favorite scene in the entire book is where Caroline Gill comes home from the photography exhibit of David’s and she looks through the window of her home and sees Al and Phoebe at the dining room table. Pheobe is weaving and Al is standing and speaking to her with a coffee cup in his hand, and Caroline looks warmly at a moment into her life.
I remember driving home with my parents when I was young down country roads and seeing families through their front windows and wondering what sort of lives they were leading. Sometimes I could see that they were watching T.V. together or reading through the window.
If you looked through the front window into a moment into your life some evening, what kind of life would you see? Would you be happy with what you saw?


1)    What did you think of the Chief’s proposal to Washington of the exchange of horses for women?  Did you think that the Chief’s idea of mixing the two bloods and cultures as a means of bringing about peace would work?  Do you think that our President should have agreed to this proposal, assuming that there was no pressure on any of the white women to go along?

2)    What did you learn from the Cheyenne in this book? My thoughts:
    —they compromised - they moved upstream when May began to swim with them
    —they were tolerant of other cultures
    —they treated blacks and whites equally. They had no race discrimination at a time when white             society still did.
    —democratic in their decision making among the men. All of the men had a chance for input                 before a decision was made.
    —their children were well treated, and considered part of the whole village, rather than just the             responsibility of the one family
    —the men respected the women’s sexual privacy and rights; whereas the white man took                     advantage without her consent.

3)    Do you think young women now appreciate, and know about, what women of the past have gone through for the freedoms women take for granted today?
How do you feel about May’s living with a man and having two children out of wedlock being deemed a promiscuity problem sufficient for treatment in an insane asylum?

4)    Do you have or know anyone who has Cheyenne heritage?  What do you know about the Cheyenne? 

5)    Do you think it was the view of the Cheyenne and the other tribes as “Savages” that gave settlers the “justification” they needed to move forward with expansion of the country and to steal Indian lands or, is it something inherent in ourselves? After all, the British had colonies, the French had colonies, etc.?

6)    What did you find most interesting about the book? What did you learn from the book?

7)    Would you have signed up for the expedition? Why yes or no?

8)    Are there items in the book that you wanted to comment on that I haven’t brought up?

9)    I felt that the romance between May Dodd and the white army man was unnecessary to the book. How do you feel about that? Fergus did use the romance to provide us with information as to what the Army intended to do which information May would not have been privy to otherwise. Could Fergus have provided the information needed without the romance, or was the romance necessary to the book?


1) On page 240: there is a note about Reuben being fed “buttered saltine crackers”:
I took up eating “saltine crackers” with butter on them from my maternal grandfather who was born and raised in Cando, N.D., which is on the Northeastern most tip of N.D.
Are the original “saltine crackers” made in N.D.?
Is this a N.D. tradition?
I never saw people in the east eating saltine crackers this way.

2) The observations made by Jape Waltzer about how he met Davy are pretty interesting. He talks about sitting in the cafe and watching the law enforcement officer taking a look at Davy’s car, and sitting there happy that the officer isn’t interested in him, and makes a comment such as the officer being interested in a squirrel instead of a mountain lion. And he asks Reuben about how Reuben feels when others at school are in trouble and he’s not, although he’s whispered in class in the past and should be in trouble too.  Doesn’t he smirk at the punishment and discomfort of others and his getting away with something from the authorities?  Don’t we all feel this way? Why is that?  Why are we glad when we aren’t found out and others are punished instead of us? Is that why we slow down and gawk when others are stopped for speeding or a ticket along the freeway?

3) Why did the miracles stop happening in N.D. after they settled down into the home of Roxanna Cawley?

4) Why did Jeremiah Land, run to catch up with Reuben, after they’d been injured during the shooting by Jape Waltzer, so that he could trade places with Reuben and die in his place? Was that appropriate for him to make the decision to exchange his life for his son Reuben’s?

5) Why do you think the author chose to not have Davy found by the law and have his guilt/innocence resolved?
Why do you think the author chose not to have Jape Waltzer found, especially at the scene near the end when he was shooting at the family in front of their new home in Roofing?
Would you have preferred an ending where these issues were resolved?
Why do you suppose the author never told us what Jape’s background was?

6) Why do you feel that Davy would not be with his sister, Swede, in Canada, like he would his brother Reuben? Or, was it just coincidence that when Swede came with Reuben, Davy just happened to not show up those years?

7) Even though Davy grows up in a Christian home, he appears to have allowed Jape Waltzer to murder the law enforcement officer Andreeson for no reason other than his being a law enforcement officer. Why do you think he allowed that? Did you expect better of him? 

8)  What about the murder Davy committed? Was it self-defense in your opinion? The two that were murdered entered Davy’s family’s home - but, we, the reader, learned later that Davy had set up the scene in the bar earlier, knowing that they would respond to his actions by coming by the house later. So, does that make it pre-meditated murder instead of self-defense?  And, we know that one of the murder victims had a low IQ that caused him to be easily swayed by others and that Davy and everyone else in town knew that. Didn’t that enter into Davy’s plot when he went to the Bar earlier in the evening?

9)  Do you think the author does a good job of making Davy out to be a wonderful older brother? Or, do you think the author does a good job of presenting both sides of the picture? How do you see Davy by the end of the book?  Would a wonderful brother allow his younger brother to witness a murder? Or, was he only thinking of getting off for the charge when he set it up to occur in his home and not thinking of the impact watching it would have on Reuben? By committing the murder, (looking at the situation both at the time it occurred and later) did Davy help his family or hurt his family?

10) Do you think Reuben has some personal responsibility with regard to Andreeson’s death? Do you think that if Reuben had shown the “posse” the correct route to the cabin that they might have been in time to save Andreeson? Or, if Reuben had spoken up to his father about his clandestine meeting’s with Davy that Andreeson would be alive today? (figuratively speaking of course).

11) If Reuben had spoken up about his meetings with Davy, and Andreeson’s life had been saved, Waltzer had been caught, and Davy had been caught and gone to trial, and received some time in prison for either manslaughter (self-defense) or first degree pre-meditated murder, would you have preferred this ending to the book, or the one the author chose that was more open-ended and did not allow this kind of closure.  If you chose the open-ended ending of the author-why did he bother to put in the information about Davy and Reuben meeting in Canada to chase geese? It seems like that was stuck in there just to make us feel good?

1) On Page 5: Lily, our narrator, says, “. . .but inside, I also wages something like a man’s battle between my true nature and the person I should have been.”
What do you think she meant by that?
What do you think she was meant to be? Professionally? As a friend? As a person?
If she had been born a man, how do you think she would have turned out differently? How would her life have been different?

2) On page 1 9: Lily, our narrator, says that her father kowtowed over and over again. He was a worrier, and the way that he bobbed up and down made him look just like a rabbit. This fit, as he was born during the “Year of the Rabbit.”
Do we live up to our nicknames?
Or, do we get our nicknames from our characteristics?
Do our nicknames bind us into certain behaviors and actions and keep us from moving forward (and past our nicknames) in our lives?

3) On page 26 there is an excellent description of footbinding. The women in the book went through much pain to have their feet bound, and the cousin of the narrator dies. The author notes that one in nine women in China dies from the footbinding.
Can you think of similar atrocities in other countries to make females marriageable?
What about anorexia and bulimia in• our own country? Is it the same thing if we do it to ourselves, but as the result of societal pressure to look slim to be attractive to men?

4)  How is it that Lily’s family, is able to figure out that Snow Flower is poor and Lily is not?
How much of it is Lily wanting to see good in Snow Flower and them wanting to see bad?

5) Lily makes the comment in the last month of her pregnancy, after she’s heard that Snow Flower has given birth to a son that it was “hard to be afraid and have no one to encourage or comfort me.”  Have you had times like that in your life?  Do you think there are still a lot of places in the world where the value of a woman is based on how many sons she produces?

6)  When Lilly finally sees Snow Flower’s home for the first time (after Lilly’s marriage and during the month leading up to Snow Flower’s marriage), and learns the truth about Snow Flower’s family-
Had you figured things out already as a reader?
Or, had you, like me, seen everything through Lily’s blinded eyes?
Do you feel that the Laotong relationship was equal?
Did they both benefit and contribute equally?
If it had not been for Snow Flower’s guidance as she was growing up, do you think that Lily would have reacted to Snow Flower’s situation with the grace that she did?

7)  During the competition between the two matchmakers, Madame Wang says, “Only a she-dog in heat would be demented enough to come to my village and try to steal one of my little nieces.” This sounded to me like something Amy Tan would say in one of her books.  How would you compare the writing of Lisa See to Amy Tan and Pearl S. Buck?

8) Lilly is ashamed with the way in which she comforted Snow Flower’s distress over the butchering of the pigs, her unhappiness early in her marriage, and her sorrow at the stillborn death of her daughter. She notes that she was only 21 and unprepared to adequately deal with the sorrows and unhappiness of her friend.  But are any of us that much better at empathy and understanding, until we too have faced equal sorrow? Or, hard times?

9) During Lily, Snow Flower, her husband, and children’s escape, Lily comments “If you are afraid for your life, you don’t think about others.”
Have you ever been in this situation? Do you think this is a true statement?

1)    Rennie tells of Sheriff Watrous coming to her family home, to advise them about the rape and murder of the crippled girl, Susan Reddick, that morning in her family’s barn.
Knowing that Rennie is a friend of the girl who has been raped and murdered; and further, knowing that Rennie is 13 years old; if you were Rennie’s parents or care-taker, would you have allowed Rennie to stay in the room and listen to all of the discussion between the Sheriff and her parents?
Or, do you believe, that the situation would have been handled better if Rennie had been asked to leave the room while the Sheriff was present and then was filled in on the details by her parents later?
What do you believe to be the preferable way to handle a situation such as this and why?
If Rennie is not present with the Sheriff, should her parents tell her everything that happened to her friend, or just the basic details?

2)    After a tragic event occurs in a small town where everyone knows everyone else, what would be a good way to get healing begun within the town?
How do you prevent copycat killers?
How do you prevent suicides among friends of the victim?
What would you recommend that Rennie do? 

3)    On page 85, Rennie’s mother Mary, doesn’t have any coffee made, or any cookies left, to serve the Sheriff. The Sheriff says he’s not hungry, but Mary continues to speak about their last batch of cookies.  Why do you think that she does this?   When the father tells her to "Hush" she does so.  Do you believe it appropriate for one grown up to speak to another grown up in that matter?  Does a spousal relationship change your answer to the questions above?
Would the age difference between the two parties make a difference as to your answer?

4)    What do you think of the way that Miss Ord handled the fight between Rennie and Edna and Edna’s friend when they called Rennie names and pushed her against the slide on the school playground?  Since the teacher saw the fight occurring, should she have intervened to stop it?
Or, did she do the right thing by letting them resolve it themselves?
Should the teacher have reported Edna and her friends to the principal?

5)    If you’ve also read “Snow Falling on Cedars” by David Guterson, how would you compare this book to that one?

6)    How do you feel about what the government did towards the Japanese on the west coast during WWII? Did you have any relatives alive during that period on the west coast who were involved in any way with the Japanese internment camps?  What was their opinion? Or, who lived near a camp?

1)    How do you stop the cycle of violence when children are brought up around domestic violence?

2)    How do we, help oppressed women in other countries?

3)    Why are the women in the United States allowing the “Religious Right” to take away the freedoms that their ancestors fought so hard to earn?

4)    When Mariam told Laila to leave with the children and Tariq without her, she does so for two reasons: 1) Someone must come forward and accept the blame and consequences for Rasheed’s death, or they would always be scared, looking over their shoulder, and on the run. 2) Mariam points out that she killed Zalmai’s father and for this, she would never be able to look Zalmai in the eye, and it is appropriate that there should be a consequence.
I found this latter thought to be an interesting way of looking at the situation. Many people from our culture, myself included, would argue that Mariam is not guilty with respect to Rasheed’s death because it was in self-protection and in protection of others.
But Mariam points out, how do you reconcile that, with a child spending a life-time without his father? What then, is the appropriate punishment from that viewpoint?

5)    When Mariam was to be killed, many people turned out at the stadium to watch, just as Rasheed had done in the past. This kind of activity is not peculiar to Afghanistan, as there have been public stonings, be-headings, hangings, etc. for centuries.
Why do people turn out to watch such blood and humiliation of their fellow human beings?

6)    At the end of the book, Laila becomes a teacher at an orphanage and Tariq helps with repairs at the orphanage. The children at the orphanage are asked to draw pictures. Many of the pictures are of scenes of war. When all that a people know is violence, how do you teach them peace?

7)    Similar, but different question - When a country has been under one dictatorship after another throughout its’ long history, how do you teach them to live, and enjoy, living under a Democracy, with all of its’ uncertainty, instability, economic insecurity, violence and crime? In a way, it’s like taking someone who’s been in prison all of their life and has had every decision made for them and then all of a sudden giving them absolute freedom and telling them to be happy with no rules or guidelines to follow and telling them now to make all of their own decisions without them knowing how.

8)    Why do you think Mariam’s natural father, Jalil Ichan, for all of his money and power, could not stand up to his wives and the social expectations of society? (ex: by being seen with Mariam at the cinema; being seen with her in public; raising her; taking her in after her mother died; etc.)

9)    Can women, in nations like Afghanistan and Iran, become equal without the aid of women in other parts of the world?

10)    At Mariam’s trial, judgment, and sentencing, one of the judges was older and appeared to have kind eyes and some sympathy for her. But yet, he still found her guilty and sentenced her to death.  Do you think that he did so because he was bound by the Taliban and had no choice?
Or, because the female oppression was so deeply ingrained that even a sympathetic ear still agreed with the law?

11)    At the bus station, the young family man who turned Mariam and Laila over to the authorities as they were trying to run away, did he do so just so that he could pocket their money?
Or, do you believe that he did so because he firmly believed that they were running from husbands and that the laws were good for society?